i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
