Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
