I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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