I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
