none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
