based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
