Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
