I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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