I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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