you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
