I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
