We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
