i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
