thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
