And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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