that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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