Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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