i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
