just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
