is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
