Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
