Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
