I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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