yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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