i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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