Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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