if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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