bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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