I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
