Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
