So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
