I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
