She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
