five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
