you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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