Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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