Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize