Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think i got beer on your cat.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
