My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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