Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
