If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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