Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I queefed so loud it echoed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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