The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
