seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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