dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
