So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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