She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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