billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize