I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
