Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
