I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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