I just threw up on my dentist
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
