Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
