cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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