On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
