Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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