So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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