He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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