You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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