You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
