somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
