so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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