i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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