he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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