so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
