I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
