he thought i was a dude.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
