Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize