i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
